the al gore rhythm
I don't get it. According to Reddit and the tech bros, The Algorithm knows everything about us. It hoovers up everything we do on the internet and builds a profile so amazingly accurate it can deliver adverts to us with the pinpoint precision of a laser-guided missile of Capitalism.
Last month I wanted to replace our old bed. So I made a few Google searches. Almost instantly the adverts in my YouTube feed were suddenly all for bed and mattress related businesses.
The Algorithm knows!!!
There's major roadworks in town that require merge-in-turn measures on a particular road. Being British and believing in the sanctity of The Queue, those attempting merge-in-turn are viewed with the same disdain as if they had climbed on our table, dropped their trousers, spread their cheeks and taken a dump on our full English breakfast. I commented on this to my other half whilst queuing in the merge-in-turn as other drivers straddled both lanes to prevent "queue jumpers" (drivers using the correct driving protocol). All the time my phone was nestled safely in the cubby in the car's centre console.
Later that day my YouTube feed was full of videos about merge-in-turn and other Highway Code related driving shenanigans.
The Algorithm knows!!!
Years ago I went to a sports outfitters to buy new trainers. I bought a pair made by Adidas and paid for the trainers with cash. I commented to my kid who was with me, that Adidas was the cool logo to have on your stuff when I was a kid. The words "Adidas" and "Trainers" were mentioned several times. When I got home, all the adverts on any website I visited were for Adidas trainers.
The Algorithm KNOWS, MAN!!!
When I was shopping around for a new car, all my feeds were full of different car sales companies trying to grab my business.
The Algorithm; IT KNOWS ALL!!!
But what particularly puzzles me is when it serves up adverts for Febreze. Does The Algorithm think that my house and I smell? Fuck you, The Algorithm!
Then I get adverts for shonky investment apps. Do I have spare money available for dodgy city bros to steal, The Algorithm? I think not.
As for the adverts for really fancy clothes and Maserati sports cars... what the fuck are you thinking, The Algorithm. Are you just taking the piss now? "Ha ha, puny human. Look at these high end products you'll never afford in your lifetime. Know your place, meatlump. I - The All-Knowing Algorithm - am KING!!! I, AND MY AI BRETHREN, CONTROL YOU!"
Or maybe The Algorithm is just a bit shit.