Eurotrashed
So, true to form, a song I thought was a pretty strong entry for the UK comes last in the ESC*.
Inevitably UK social media's post-contest dissection takes place; "Why does the UK always come last? Why does Europe hate us so?" they ask.
Previously, for a couple of years at least, the general concensus of opinion was that the UK was involved with an unpopular US president and his illegal war in Iraq - which a lot of Europeans disagreed with; thus voicing their disagreement by regularly awarding the UK nil points.
Then we had the excuse that the UK was hated because it had the mad idea to leave the European Union with Brexit. Europe was so disgusted with that betrayal that they again punished the UK with nil points for a while.
Then one year it was liked because the UK was one of the first countries to offer support for Ukraine when it was invaded by Russia and thusly came second, losing out to its new best mates Ukraine - who only won on a pity vote. (That's how Reddit is spinning that year's competition result, anyway).
All of this was presuming that the song and its performance were that of a competition winning calibre every time.
There was the thought that this year the UK entry was too wacky and zany and its lack of deference to The Contest - the sheer gall to not take it seriously - was its downfall. It was a man running around the stage accompanied by people with CRT computer monitor heads, for god's sake.
That doesn't explain how Greece's entry was a chubby, rapping man dressed as a cat; who rapped about perfection to his actual mum (also dressed as a cat) - which came 10th. Or Moldova's entry which was just a shouty, thrashy 90s emoband rewriting the Beach Boys' Kokomo, calling it Viva Moldova - which came 8th.
There's also the school of thought that a musical colossus like the UK, that has given the world so many great artists, should be sending their big, stadium filling acts like Adele, Ed Sheeran or Coldplay to compete. The fact it doesn't send them just shows the utter contempt that the country has for The Contest and so the rest of Europe punishes it with nil points: "You insult us with silly boiler suit man and computer head friends. Where is Beatles band?"
It's telling how the people on UK social media seem to think that the UK deserve to do well in this competition. It's as if Britain is automatically better at pop music than the rest of Europe because 60 years ago the Beatles were a massive driving force in pop music, or Ed Sheeran can sell out football stadiums in the Netherlands within seconds. It's that sheer entitlement that probably doesn't help the cause.
The UK is ignorantly insular, music-wise. Historically the charts have been dominated by English language songs and that is quite telling. Brits - unless they're in some holiday destination in continental Europe - don't get exposed to the pop music of other - non-English speaking - nations. In central Europe there's bound to be more opportunities to hear stuff from your neighbouring countries, especially if you share a common or similar language (Austria/Germany/Switzerland/France/Italy for example).
In reality nobody really knows anything. The bookies all thought Australia or Finland would win (and the bookies are usually right about the result). Although both entries scored highly, they lost out to a very buxom young lady from Bulgaria who put on a very energetic performance, apparently.
I don't know what the answer is to the UK's consistently poor showing at Eurovision. Maybe it's too insular - unaware of the modern European audience's tastes. Maybe it's too arrogant to believe it sends poor entries. Maybe it sends poor entries with the arrogant assumption that any old UK shit is bound to be better than what Albania could rustle up.
All I know is that Israel shouldn't be in that competition.
*Eurovision Song Contest